"Essential" baby stuff that might not be!

Despite recent media reports, kids don't actually have to be very expensive at all.

This particular article isn't advice - truth be told, we have a ton of baby stuff, most of the baby stuff on this list.  What can I say, I like to shop! However, I've discovered that a lot of the stuff we bought, we didn't use...and some families don't use any of it.  Basic things, that "everyone" told you was necessary to have before you have a baby - well, turns out, you might not need it after all.  If you *want* it, or it makes you and your baby happy, awesome.  Enjoy! You're not a bad parent if you have and adore any of these items.  Just don't feel like you have to rip out the credit cards and go bankrupt to prepare for your little bundle of joy. 

Stuff you can skip (if you want to)

#1 The Crib

Yep, that's right.  You can skip the crib.  Your kid probably won't want to sleep in it anyway.  Most babies would rather be curled up in your arms or on your chest.  Cribs are expensive!  You can skip the crib, mattress, mattress protector, sheets, mobile, crib toys, sound machine that attaches to the crib, bumpers (they're bad anyway), mesh fluffy stuff that goes over the crib - all of it.  $500+ saved!  

#2 Stroller
I dig my umbrella stroller, but use it mostly to carry groceries.  We bought one of those ginormous mega-strollers, and it's hanging in my mom's basement.  Just like the crib, my baby vastly prefers to be carried (and you can make your own baby carrier for about $5).  There's no law that says you have to have a stroller. 

#3 Bottles
Well, if you're me, you might need these.  If you work and pump, you're going to need them.  BUT, Boobs are cool and require no sterilization.  Even if baby isn't drinking directly from the tap, they can actually drink out of a cup.  Yep, a cup.

#4 Diapers
This one sort of blew my mind.  There's this super-cool movement a-foot called "Elimination Communication".  If you pay close enough attention to your little one's cues, you start to find patterns to their pooping and peeing...and you can hold them over the toilet.  For realz!  There are babies who have never worn a diaper in their lives.  Additional plus side... no toilet training!  Wipes... you will still need.  :)
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/

#5 Baby Food

Again, cool but very basic idea.  Babies are people, and they can eat people food.  You don't need to give a baby purees.  When your little ones starts reaching for the food on your plate, just let him have some. My little guy has a deep appreciation for steamed broccoli, pasta, and blackberries. Bibs strongly recommended.
http://www.babyledweaning.com/

#6 Baby Bath Tub
When they're teensy, a sponge and the sink works perfectly.  After their umbilical stump falls off, you may discover the wonder of co-bathing.  Mommy + Fussy Baby In Tub = Happiness.  You figure out how to handle a slippery baby very quickly.  Wrapsody sells a water wrap that works for co-showering too, plus instructions.   Another note... you totally don't need the adorable baby hoodie towels; regular towels work just fine.  I have to say though...nothing's cuter than a baby in a hoodie towel.

 

#7 Swing, Bouncer, Vibrating Chair etc.
Now, I'm not going to say these aren't nice to have.  For some babies and parents, they might be a necessity.  BUT, from my observation, kids only like one of them and dislike the others.  You should go for some trial-and-error here.  Some kids don't like any of them.  None of them are "must have or CPS will be called."







Stuff you might consider spending real money on:

#1 A high-end convertible carseat.
Infant "bucket" seats have the bonus of keeping a sleeping baby asleep, but they will be outgrown quickly.  A convertible carseat can serve you from the first car ride through kindergarten.  Get one that rear-faces to the highest possible weight (Radian sells one that rear-faces to 45 pounds).   If you spend the money now on a good one, you won't have to replace it later.
Why you should rear-face as long as possible

#2 A King-Sized Bed
No, you don't "need" this, especially if you're a single parent or a set of smaller parents.  BUT, if you or your significant other are a substantial person (in my case, both), this will improve your life.  You can get a cheap one from Ikea for less than you could spend on the crib.  AND, you'll be using it long after your child has graduated to their own bed.  For extra safety, consider a bed that is low to the floor, or even on it!

#3 A nice baby carrier
Yes, you can make a stretchy wrap for $5.  I recommend doing so!  But for long-term use, a nice soft-structured carrier (Ergo Sport is my fav), a beautiful woven wrap (Girasol = Love), or a Mei Tai (ala Babyhawk)...or all three....will be worth it for you.  Especially if you skipped the stroller and the swing!  Like the carseat, a nice baby carrier will last you well into toddlerhood.

To learn more about baby wearing options, check out www.thebabywearer.com

 #4  A nursing pillow
This isn't a huge investment, but it's worth every penny.  A nursing pillow prevents stiff necks and arms that fall asleep while baby is at the boob.  You can use it as a floor pillow later on (for those moments when you definitely do need to put the baby down!), for "tummy time", or even for a nice neck pillow while pregnant.  I love my Boppy and have used it often, despite having to stop breastfeeding.

#5 A rocker-recliner
If you have a gorgeous wooden rocking chair from your grandmother in the baby's room, stick with it.  If you were debating on purchasing one of those expensive gliders from Babies R Us, consider this.  Get a rocker-recliner, ala La-Z-Boy.  Bob's has them for $299, or drop by your local Salvation Army.  Comfy factor cannot be beat.  You are going to spend a lot of time in this chair - and no fingers will be pinched!  .  Move it into the "man room" when baby's grown, or they can take it to college.


That's what I can think of for now... I'll add on more to either list if more come to mind - or if YOU add them in the comments!  Do you agree/disagree?  Are there more items that need to be in the "must-have" department?

Bedsharing Lessons from Twizzler

Everyone, meet Twizzler.

Twizzler, 6 weeks - goopy eyes and all.

 Twizzler's mother died in an alleyway soon after he was born.  Luckily, a kind soul found him and his siblings and brought them to the local shelter.  He was bottle-fed, and managed to survive, even thought 2 of his brothers didn't.  I got a call from a friend at the shelter when they died; she suspected that little Twiz wasn't getting all the love he needed to thrive and asked me if I could bring him home.

Twizzler was super-tiny, his eyes didn't open all the way, and he was weak.  I had to feed him with milk from a dropper.  He was helpless and fragile. When night-time approached, I made up a nice bed for him in the bathroom, right near his litter box.  I set him down in it, and he started to cry - tiny little sounds, calling for my help.  Calling to not be left alone in the dark, like he'd spent so many nights, alone in his cage.

I brought my tiny kitty to bed.  He snuggled up under my chin, purring away.  He actually tried to nurse on my blanket and even on my freckle (I've since learned that this is called "woolsucking" and often happens to kittens who are weaned too early).  I held him close and settled down to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to an energetic kitten who seemed to have blossomed overnight. Over the next few days and weeks, Twizzler slowly became stronger.  He was soon able to eat on his own, and could hop on and off my bed.  He moved from my neck to the foot of my bed, and in time, learned to sleep in the living room.

He's now a big, happy, healthy cat - and he doesn't suck on the blankets anymore.  He's independent, kind-hearted, and very friendly.

Mommy, Twizzler, and 1 week old David, napping

 When David #9 made his entrance, I couldn't help but be reminded of my helpless kitty.  Just like his feline companion, my little boy was fragile and depended on me for everything.  And, just like my kitty, we had made a beautiful nursery for him....that he wanted nothing to do with!  The first night he was home, I gently laid him on his back in his crib, and he immediately started to cry. 

But...babies are supposed to sleep in cribs, right?

So, I brought him into our room, and laid him in the pack-and-play next to our bed.  No dice.  My baby didn't just want to sleep *near* me, he wanted to sleep *on* me.  In my arms.  For the first 5 weeks of my son's life, my husband and I slept in shifts.  One of us would stay up holding the baby, and the other would sleep in the bed.  I missed my husband, and he missed me.  We were both sleep-deprived and I was getting sick.

As my regular readers have heard a few times, I landed in the hospital when my son was about 5 weeks old, for a little over a week.  So, here Dave was, with a newborn (breastfed) baby that he not only had to immediately transition to formula, but who refused to sleep on his own!  After one night of trying to stay up in the recliner, they fell asleep the next night, together, in our king-sized, firm mattress, with the blankets down by Dave's waist.

My son slept for 6 hours, the longest he'd ever slept.

When Dave told me about it, I was upset.  I'd read all of the warnings about SIDS and how horrific it was to sleep with your baby.  He was ready for me!  He presented me with research, printed (love that man) about the benefits of co-sleeping and how to bedshare safely.  I was still skeptical.  Babies are supposed to sleep in cribs!

When I got home, David started to sleep in his crib for the first part of the night, and would bedshare with us if he woke up.  Unless his Daddy put him to bed... in our bed.  I was still unsure.  

A couple of weeks later, when he hit teething for the first time, Dave looked at me and said:

"Honey... You'll let the cat sleep with us, but not the baby?"

DING!

Well, duh.   How silly of me.  Just like my helpless little kitty, of course my baby wanted to be close to us.  And, just like my kitty, I was happy to have him in bed with us.  I love waking up to his sunny smiles in the morning; I loved not having to schlep out of bed to get him.  

Nowadays, David sleeps with us most of the time.  He starts the night in his crib sometimes, when (ahem) Mommy and Daddy feel like having the bed to ourselves (if the couch won't do).  We practice safe bedsharing, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

He belongs with us.  It just feels right.  We got him a tee-shirt for Christmas that says this:

And now, I really feel that way.  I don't "let" David sleep with us.  We are privileged to have him to snuggle with.  Twizzler thinks so too; he's usually curled up by my feet.  I know that's not on the safe bedsharing list, but I think he's earned it.

My Baby Boy and Me

I didn't write this.  I did, however, print it and have it folded by my son's rocking recliner (forget the rocking chair!).  When it's 4am and I've been up 3 times already, I read it.  This time is so precious, and so fleeting.

David the 9th with his great-grandfather, David the 6th.

My Baby Boy and Me

It's 3am, they're all asleep and no one's here to see

As we rock slowly back and forth, My Baby Boy and Me.

His little head is feather light tucked up against my chin

I hold his tiny hand in mine and stroke his baby skin.

The house about us creaks and groans the clock hands creep around

He snuggles closer to me still and makes his baby sounds.

I love these quiet hours so much and cherish every one

store memories up inside my heart for lonely nights to come.

All too soon he'll be grown up, his need for Mommy gone

but until then I still have time for kisses and for song.

Time for quiet hours like this with him cuddled in my arms

where I wish he'd always stay protected safe and warm.

And yet I know the day will come when his tiny little hand

will be much bigger than my own he'll grow to be a man.

But until then he's mine to love with no one here to see

as we rock slowly back and forth My Baby Boy and Me.

by Dusty Fulbright