Avoid formula "like the plague"?

I don't know why I read everything that comes across my facebook feed, but I have a rather unquenchable thirst for knowledge....so I do.  Even stuff that I know is going to "get my goat", and boy did this one! 

100 Reasons to Avoid Formula like the Plague

First, it made me incredibly sad.  I had just finished giving David a bottle of formula; I don't have a donor right now for breast milk, and our family decided that we would only take breast milk donation from people we know well (which is 2 awesome ladies with small freezer stashes).  There is another local baby, newborn and sick, who needs the milk more than my healthy horse of a toddler. The last comment had me crying into my colt's feather-soft hair as he slept in my arms.

"When you don't breastfeed you increase many risks and the child will never know it's true potential."

I cursed my body.  I hated my body for its failure.  I cursed my own inability to stay healthy enough to continue breastfeeding my son.  I kissed his petal-soft skin and tears ran down my face as I considered the list and its comments.  What if it's true?  What if my baby boy will never reach his true potential because my body failed him?


Then, of course, my brain kicked in.


You see, what this list forgot (and the list is not necessarily accurate or 100% truthful, I'll address that later) is that a healthy mother, in both mind and body, trumps every single reason on that list.  I am not a formula pusher.  I am a lactivist, truly told.  I don't think breast is "best"; I think it's "normal."  That is a very, very important distinction.  If you can breastfeed, you should.   If you don't breastfeed because you want pretty boobs or you want to party or because it's simply "convenient", I don't have a lot of respect for your choice.  Sorry.  Doesn't mean I don't respect you, or that you're a bad mother, it means we disagree.


Cesarean section is not "normal".  Vaginal birth is.  Does that mean vaginal is best in every situation?  No.  Everything is relative.  Guggie Daly, bless her amazing and insightful heart, wrote a wonderful piece recently about the need to end the Breast is Best campaign.  I agree with her for all the reasons she mentioned, plus one.  


I didn't take the medicine I needed after my son was born because of lists like The Plague.  I almost DIED.  I needed 2 blood transfusions.  I almost had my large intestine cut out of my body.  My large intestine is still bleeding, a year later, because I actually did avoid formula like the plague.  Smart?  No!  Stupid!  A miserable, sick, barely human breastfeeding mother is not ideal.  Dead mommies don't make milk, duh. 

I am not the only one.  I know 3 other mothers who also avoided medicine that was incompatible with breastfeeding, and who suffered serious health consequences as a result.  One was suffering from PPD, and it got so bad that she attempted suicide and had to be committed.  The low-level antidepressants she was taking weren't working, and the next level meant she couldn't breastfeed.   She avoided formula "like the plague", and slit her wrists.   I'm not making this up.


See, the funny thing is, when you've just had a baby, you just might not think straight, and lists like this haunt you.  I didn't.  Others didn't. 

I am an active member of many online mommy communities.  Lately, I have seen a number of mothers with supply problems, who are trying everything they can to raise their supplies, discuss giving their young babies cow's milk or soy milk, believing that it's healthier than formula.  There is a label now on the soy milk we purchased at Whole Foods - "not to be used as infant formula."  Why, do you think, does it need to be there?  It's not there for the mother who doesn't care what goes into her baby.  It's there so people know that other milks are NOT a viable alternative to breast milk or formula.   

Formula, while deeply flawed, inferior and imperfect, is better than giving a 3 month old baby cow's milk, which is made for baby cows, not baby humans.  Soy milk in particular is exceptionally dangerous for infants, lacking vital nutrients which are necessary to healthy development..


Don't avoid formula like the plague.  Don't avoid it like it's poison.   It is neither plague nor poison.  Avoid it if you have a breast milk alternative, be it pumped or from the breast.  Avoid it as a sub-normal, vastly inferior alternative and don't kid yourself that it's "just as good" as breast milk, because it's not.  It's not close to breast milk, no matter what the formula ads tell you.  But don't avoid it to the detriment of your own health, mental or physical.  Babies need a healthy mother more than than they need her breasts. 

[Related: this whole conversation goes away (or mostly goes away) if mothers who can breastfeed do, and if mothers who can donate do, and if mothers who can't have access to that donated breast milk.  Please support breast milk donation!  Check out Human Milk for Human Babies on Facebook!]

The "Lemonade" of Formula Feeding

Sometimes, life gives you lemons.  When it comes to breastfeeding David the 9th, I got a big old pile of lemons.  I breastfed him for 2 months, but had to stop due to my own life-threatening medical issues.

If I could control the universe, I would still be breastfeeding my son. Even with all these "honorable mentions." I wanted to breastfeed him SO badly that I ended up in the hospital! I will probably always feel guilty that my health cost my son and I our breastfeeding relationship, and if I could, I would be breastfeeding now, despite its challenges.

This is not a list of "10 reasons not to breastfeed", although it could be read that way. I try to live by that silly saying, "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade" - this list is my lemonade.

It is meant to be lemonade for other women like me who constantly feel guilt or sadness over feeding woes, to not just come to terms with formula-feeding, but enjoy what we have. I hope breastfeeding moms can appreciate this in the spirit in which it was written.  My next post will be all about why I support nursing in public and why I'm boycotting Nestle.  I plan to breastfeed my next child, if my body will allow it.

Also - because the subject has come up - I contacted 2 milk banks and found that not only was the milk $3-$4 per ounce,  it was only available to the sickest preemies.  My son is healthy, and I did not qualify.  I also posted on MilkShare's board, and sent money for "shipping" to someone who never sent me any milk.  That scared me off of milk donation from strangers; if I couldn't trust someone on the board not to steal my money, how could I trust them not to do drugs, drink, take medicines, or eat onions and garlic?  I don't have any friends or family who are lactating.  In addition to better support for nursing moms, I would deeply appreciate open access to clean, safe, donated breast milk.  I would much rather be using that than formula. 

The Lemonade of Formula Feeding

We all know that “Breast is Best”, but for some women, myself included, it’s either not possible or not appropriate, and we instead feed our babies formula.  The benefits of breast milk are well-documented, there’s a ton of information online about the benefits, and I am in no way underplaying them.  I support breastfeeding moms.

Nonetheless, when I stopped breastfeeding, I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are real plusses to formula feeding for my family – and while they might not stack up, they certainly are worth honorable mention. 

A note – many of these benefits can be achieved with pumped breast milk, and should be if it is possible.  A little bit of breast milk is better than none at all; if you can feed your baby breast milk, please do!

1. I know exactly how much food my son is getting.

I constantly struggled with supply while breastfeeding.  My son always seemed hungry, and there was no easy way for me to tell if he was getting “enough”.  I counted wet and dirty diapers, but I never felt confident that he was getting enough food.   Pumping yielded 1-2oz per breast, but I was regularly told that pumping was a poor indicator of production.  Once a week, we went to the doctor for a weigh-in, but these results were varied.  I tried every method known to raise my supply with no luck (herbs and galactalogs and 9-hour pumping/nursing sessions, you name it).  I probably had these supply problems because of my serious health issues.

With formula, I know if he is getting enough to eat; there is no fear of dehydration or poor weight gain due to poor supply.  I know if he’s only had 2oz and will be hungry again soon, or if he’s filled up and will be good for a while.

2. Daddy can feed the baby.  So can anyone else.

My husband was happy when I stopped breastfeeding for a number of reasons (mostly because I didn't die), but one of the biggest was that he was able to feed our son.  When we switched to formula, we went to a split-night system; from 2am to sunrise, he was the “primary parent”.  I got to catch up on sleep, and he was in charge.  No handing baby to mama with “he’s hungry”; there was no excuse.  He became a better parent and a better husband.

Feeding my son is now a community activity.  He has been fed by his great-grandfather, his 8-year-old cousin, and our minister, and it is a joyful experience for everyone.   It is absolutely a bonding experience – not one that is restricted to just mommy.

3. I can feed my baby anywhere.

I support nursing in public - anywhere.  Unfortunately, not everyone else does (though they should, prudish morons).  I can happily feed my son in a restaurant, park, church, or anywhere else, and the only funny looks I get are from people who think formula is evil.  I did nurse in public while I was breastfeeding, but I was always (unfairly) uncomfortable exposing my breasts for the world to see, even if it was only an inch.   The bias against breastfeeding isn’t fair….but it’s nice not to have to deal with it.

It may seem a small benefit, but I can also feed my son in a moving car (while someone else drives, obviously).  This may seem trivial, but when you’re 30 minutes from your destination and stuck in traffic, it is a lifesaver!  I can mix up a bottle in the middle of a store without looking for a place to set up.  It is very convenient.

4.  I can eat or drink whatever I want. I can take whatever medicines I need to take.

If my son develops a food sensitivity or allergy, I will simply switch to a different formula.  If I want to have a margarita night with the girls, I can, without fear of damaging my baby or having to ‘pump and dump’.
Most importantly for me, I can take the medicines I need to take to stay healthy.  Not all medicine is safe for breastfeeding mothers, and there is not always an adequate alternative (in my case, I am on 6-mercaptopurine, methotrexate and Remicade, category X drugs that pregnant women can't even touch).

Mom’s health is more important than her boobs.  Period.

5.  I have more freedom.

I can work outside of the home, and I don’t have to take 3 pumping breaks in my car.  I can head out to the grocery store to pick up eggs without looking at the clock.  My husband and I can go on a “date night” and leave baby with his doting Grammy without worrying about pumping or supply. 

6. My boobs don’t hurt.

I read everywhere during my pregnancy, “if breastfeeding hurts, you’re doing it wrong.”  Then I actually did it, and found out that the books were lying.  Breastfeeding was excruciatingly painful.  My nipples bled, blistered, and literally fell apart – even though our latch was fine.  My breasts would become engorged and ache.  I had bouts with thrush, clogged ducts and mastitis.  It wasn’t always painful – I had a lovely 2 week stint before my hospital stay where I didn’t cry during feedings – but I spent 2 months in hell, literally screaming when he first latched on, dreading his hunger cries.

There is no pain in feeding formula (unless you count the emotional pain, of which I've had a LOT).  None.  I was delighted to see my son’s first teeth, not terrified!

7.  My boobs don’t leak.

I made a quick trip to the store while breastfeeding.  A baby cried in the next aisle over, and I soaked through my nursing pads and straight through my shirt.  I was horrified, and my husband told me not to worry at all… it really was not a big deal. 

I’m still glad I don’t have to worry about leaking through my white shirt during my next performance of “Messiah.”  I also don’t leak anymore during sex.

8.  My son sleeps longer and better.

There.  I said it.  I know, research shows that on average, breastfed and formula-fed babies sleep the same, but my baby slept better with a full belly of formula.  Again, this was probably because of my supply problems, which most moms can work through with proper support.

The first day that my son was exclusively formula-fed, he slept through the night.  8pm until 6am.  Previously, he was up every 2 hours like clockwork.  We thought it was a fluke.  It was not – unless he is teething, in a growth spurt, or otherwise upset, he sleeps “like a baby”, and that phrase is no longer a sick joke.  So – not only does he sleep better, but obviously so do his parents!

9.  Formula’s not that expensive.  For me, it was cheaper than breastfeeding.

Luckily, my son isn’t a picky eater.  He likes Target Up & Up Organic formula, which costs $15 per can when you buy in bulk.  Each can makes about a week’s worth of bottles, for a cost of around $2 a day.  We spent $30 on bottles, for a total annual expense of $760, or less than my daily visit to Starbucks.  If you’re eligible for WIC, formula is even less expensive (though in my opinion WIC should also cover any and all breastfeeding expenses and it is a travesty  that they do not).

Conversely, I spent $350 on a breast pump, $50 on the special bottles that work with it, $600 on 3 visits to a lactation consultant, $90 on prescriptions for thrush and mastitis, $50 on lanolin creams and special ice packs, $30 on a breastfeeding pillow, and $200 on nursing bras and tops, for a whopping total of $1360.  I spent this in 2 months.

10.  I am a happier, healthier, and better mother.

This is the biggest and most important benefit for me.  Instead of being sleep-deprived, in pain, and anxious, I am confidently enjoying being a mother.   I do not dread feeding my son; I look forward to it.   I am healthy, taking the medicines my body needs to be strong.   I am enjoying him more, and I am a better mother for it.  I thank formula for saving my life, and for improving its quality.



UPDATE: I have reached out (thanks to the wonderful commentators on this blog) to my local Eats on Feets organization, asking for donor milk.  No bites yet, but I am hopeful.  Huge thanks to Emma Kwasnica for her hard work in creating this new organization - I look eagerly forward to seeing this take off.

My Breastfeeding Story

My Story: The Lactivist with Broken Boobs

I have severe ulcerative colitis, which has been flaring since October of 2009, when I was 18 weeks pregnant with my son. Ulcerative Colitis is an auto-immune condition that is similar to Crohn's Disease. For reasons unknown, my immune system sometimes attacks my lower intestine, causing ulcers, bleeding, and severe diarrhea (gross, I know). I had been in remission for 3 years, but it came back. I was able to manage it while pregnant with steroids that are moderately safe for expecting moms.

Then, my son was born. We initiated breastfeeding right away - we were even able to do the "breast crawl", which was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I had trouble with latching, but we dealt with that. I ended up with a clogged duct and then mastitis, but we dealt with that. Both my son and I got thrush, but we made it through. I believe in breast feeding. I believe in the benefits of breast milk, and I did all the research. Come hell or high water, I was going to breastfeed my son and give him these magnificent benefits.

When David was 3 weeks old, my flare went from bad to worse. I was in the bathroom 20+ times a day. I was bleeding profusely, and when I wasn't nursing, I was curled up on the bathroom floor. I hid how bad it was from my husband, friends and family. I knew I should tell my doctor how bad things were. I knew I needed help.

I also knew that the only "breastfeeding safe" drugs for UC were the ones I was on - the ones that were failing. I knew they'd make me stop breastfeeding, and the guilt of that was terrible. My doctors had made it clear that the next step was to the big guns, drugs usually used to treat lukemia and an immune suppressant given by IV, both of which cross into breast milk. One drug is so bad that women who might become pregnant can't even handle it - they can't even touch the pills.

I believed that David would be at risk for infections, for sicknesses, for obesity, have a lower IQ, bond less with me. I figured, if I could just hold out a little longer....maybe it would go away.

2 weeks later, I passed out in the bathroom after a nursing session with David. When I came to, my husband and sister-in-law rushed me to the emergency room. I was barely coherent, but I argued with them both that it wasn't serious.

My body had gone septic and I was very, very sick. I was in the hospital for 8 days. They treated me with hefty antibiotics and steroids, and had me on massive painkillers. Breastfeeding was totally off the table, for good.

My husband, suddenly the single father of a 5 week old baby, had to switch to formula immediately to nourish our son.  Even with all I'd been through, the first thing I tried to get when I was coherent was a pump so I could keep up my supply. My husband was so angry; he felt that the pressure to breastfeed almost cost me my life. He and my doctors all made it very clear that what my baby needed was ME, not my boobs.

The entire experience was horrific. I never should have attempted to breastfeed, and I should have gone on the stronger meds right away, as soon as he was born. I put my own life in danger, but I really believed all of the research (and frankly, propaganda) that formula-feeding my son was akin to child abuse. I was convinced that giving up breastfeeding meant that my son would be at a disadvantage for his entire life....and it would be my fault.

I am now on those scary medications that are keeping me moderately healthy and out of the hospital. My son is thriving on formula. He is bright and wonderful and strong. He has never been sick. I still feel guilty sometimes, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that formula is the right choice for us, and that it's a blessing. 100 years ago, one or both of us would have died, plain and simple.

I firmly believe that breastfeeding is important and should be supported.   Nonetheless, those who say formula is the devil just haven't done the research behind the REAL reasons some people switch.  It's rarely about wanting to party or wanting pretty boobs, in my experience. Life's just not that simple, and sometimes formula is the right choice from the very beginning.

Do you have a breastfeeding story to share? I'd love to hear it!